Diary: Kill Kilkenny

More diary. The first half of this entry I must have written when I was insanely drunk.

Such a fucked up event. This guy not only fucked me up for a good few months but turned me off Kilkenny and Irishmen for quite a while.

4 October
Ok on to some new and more interesting topic, my love life or lack of it. His nace is Ciaren (spelt something like that) and he is the firest guy that I have met that I actually wanted to see again. Because of this I chose not to sleep with him of teh firest night, how puritian of me, Instead we just comandeered a couch in the back of connections and just went for it for about an hour an da half i think though I am not entiresly sure of the time. You must ecvuse all of the spelling mistakes nut I am writing this as I am falling asleep so I am not actually looking at the keys or what is coming out on the screen. Yeah so here we are in the seedy part of the nightclun laying down on the rid vinal couch and and oh, he had the most beautiful eyes and he wsa soooo cutem so Irish and he said I reminded him of Richard Gere, I don’t know how I should take that one but anyway. I was so enhoying al of this when I decided to go to the toilet adn he followed me in there and tryid to DRINK ME as he put it. It really freaked me out, not because of the act itself, to each his own I wuppose, but because I was looking fo r a normal guy who I could spend some time with, Anyway I moce off and ha and took time out nect to the dannce floor nut I just couldn’t leave him so i asked him to come our for a coffee and we did at some dodgy little cafe in lake street where we had a long conversation about life and love, I found him very confromting but i really liked that because usually I am on the dealing end and it ws interesting to be on the recieving end for a change. He tried again to get a ddrink out of me on Lake street but I avoided that again and he went back to his hostel, I gave him my number and left much to his dismay. I ended up dropping him a note expecting him to have lost the number and we met up again at the Brass monkey and ended up snogging in the court then he came back to don’s place and we shagged each other rotten well sort of...

4 October
It was sort of a bit more like him taking what he wanted, which included just about every fetish in the whole book from feet to arse, and any sort of bodily fluid he could get his hands on. He wanted to play out this domination fantasy, so every few minutes he had to remind me to step on his hands or hold him down and it was just a little bit too much for me, it is just not inside of me to enjoy that sort of stuff even though I said I did and in some instances it was interesting but in the morning I found myself in such a state, I went from anger to depression to frustration. By the time I got home I was nearly bursting into tears every five minutes. I was a total mess and had pretty much decided never to get in touch with Ciaren again.

I told Byron all about him and he was understandably saying, forget him. He was nice, like- he said I am so eligible and blah blah blah, which I just don’t ever really see until someone says it to me. I have really enjoyed my time down here this holiday, probably because I needed it more than usual and I am living more in a style that will probably be a part of my life in years to come. Does that sound silly? I mean I don’t know if I will ever live in a city, well no I am sure that I will, maybe after next year. But it has been good to just be a normal gay guy in the city for the first time (if normal is the word- I suppose it is as normal as it is ever going to get for me).

That was the only entry about it all but it did stay with me for a long time. I think it gave me a few insecurities that I carried with me for a good many years.

I'm over them now, I think.

I even visited Kilkenny.

And I like their beer.

And I am seeing an Irishman.

I guess that means I'm over it now.


Previous diary entries:
I Wanna Play
Confessions of an Amateur Melodramatist
Before I Sleep a.k.a. Diary Drowsiness
Goodbye 1996!!!
Back To The Bush
How Time Flies
End Of An Era
Kissy Kissy
Diary Tonic
Diary: Losing My Religion Virginity
Diary: May Burst
Travel Fallout
Return Of The Killer Diary
Diary Musings From The Top End
Separation Anxiety