Dated Diary: May Burst

More shennanigans from the past.

If you haven't been following, I'm back in the desert, cherry free, left to obsess about getting some more sexxx (and this entry proves how little there was to obsess about). At the same time, my friend and co-worker was spending her time obsessing about getting some sexxx with me.

One of the biggest regrets in my life was how I went about telling Tuesdee I was gay. At the time I had become reasonably sure that she had fallen for me and so I thought it best for her to reveal that to me before I came out to her, rather than having it left unspoken and festering under the carpet.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

And I have looked back many times and tried to figure out what I was thinking.

If only I could invent a time machine.

12 May (very early...)
I don’t know if I have said anything about Tuesdee and her growing affection for me, well maybe hinted a little, and how it was all turning into a bit of dé ja vu, a la Jo Reilly (who I never heard from again). Well tonight I forced her (you know, in my nagging persistence) to tell me her feelings purely so I could put an end to all her frettings. It was surprisingly easy and so far he hasn’t done anything drastic. We talked for an hour or two afterwards and discussed some stuff, nothing too in-depth and then (just then actually) she went home. Talk about a weight off the chest but I am sure it hasn’t ended yet. Anyway someone in Jigalong knows now...

Oh and I saw The Object of My Affection the other night when I was in Perth and I just fell in love with it purely because the two guys in it had the kind of relationship that I am looking for (so really it was fairy tale stuff). The guys on the Movie Show bagged it pretty much saying that the characters were unrealistic and the plot unbelievable but it just spoke to me and I am just dying to see it again.

And then on Saturday night I saw the Whitlams and they were fucking awesome and I want to see them again as soon as possible. It was such a great night out, even if the club had a shooter called a Poofter’s Stool (real class in a glass).

13 May 1998
So May is turning out to be a bit of a corker for entries so far, I wonder how long I can keep this up for. Just two things today, the first down to earth and the other just a little bizarre in terms of life experiences.

Well down on earth Tuesdee doesn’t seem to have taken the news as well as she looked to have the other nights, so far she has burst into tears in front of Justin for “no reason” and all today she has been a bit of a bitch, well as much of a bitch as she can be- she is trying really hard. The way she is coping is really strange, plus she says that I don’t know where she is coming from and if you get down to it I really don’t... She took ages to tell me that she liked me and then as soon as she did I told her that I was gay. So what has she lost? Nothing, we weren’t together before and we aren’t together now so she hasn’t lost anything on that score.

Sure she says she is upset (because she didn’t gain what she had hoped for) but she also says that she is angry and that she hates me a little bit! Why? I didn’t do anything wrong and the situation was hardly under my control ...we will have to come back to this some other time because I am really tired and I still have to write about the dentist (no I will do that tomorrow too!!!)

14 May 1998
The dentist... well he is not gorgeous but there is something about him which is just stunning and for the first time in my life when I first saw him I felt instantly attracted to him in some strangely irrational way. That was all very well and I let it go because he was just out here for a day like all the visitors to this place and I think I only saw him once that day and in the end I didn’t think of him again (well not that much anyway).

And then the whole deal became stranger because when I got to school early the next day he was sitting on the back step of house having a cup of tea (in hindsight it probably wasn’t him) and I was just amazed that he was still in Jigalong and I was pissed off that I didn’t talk to him more the day before and then the kids said that he was over at the hospital and I just wanted him to walk in the door. It was too strange, just wishing someone to walk back into my life and just feeling some strange sense of loss that he wasn’t there, just staring out of the door, waiting. And then he walked in and my heart missed a beat, I don’t even know his name for fuck’s sake. I find myself thinking about the clothes I was wearing and the things I was saying and the way I was looking, all very exciting and scary if you know what I mean and of course you do because I am writing to myself.

Previous diary entries:
I Wanna Play
Confessions of an Amateur Melodramatist
Before I Sleep a.k.a. Diary Drowsiness
Goodbye 1996!!!
Back To The Bush
How Time Flies
End Of An Era
Kissy Kissy
Diary Tonic
Diary: Losing My Religion Virginity

Tags: diary, coming out, gay