The Naked Civil Servant (or How to excite and incite in three easy hair colours)

Quentin Crisp has intrigued me since I saw him as one of the talking heads on the excellent documentary The Celluloid Closet. I checked him out at the time to find out why he was famous. I’d heard of him but had no idea why. It turned out that he was famous for, well, being himself. In the 60s he wrote his autobiography and in the 70s it was made into a Thames telemovie (ranked number 4 on the BFItv best ever television productions) and Crisp shot to fame.

I finally tracked down a copy of The Naked Civil Servant (no, it wasn’t difficult but then, I wasn’t looking that hard) and it truly is fantastic. Crisp himself introduces it, remarking, as he does in The Celluloid Closet that there is little separation between reality and the fantasy of television and film, at least in his world.

John Hurt is an absolute revelation as Crisp. It is a role he was born to play and it is wonderful that Crisp developed it so well. His makeup and clothes were only outdone by his flamboyant personality. He lived his life as he wanted to, as an expression of his homosexuality and purposely made sure everyone knew it.

I have never felt that much of an affiliation with drag queens (not that Crisp is a drag queen) but I have always said that the GLBT movement would not be where it is today if it weren’t for their outrageous visibility. Crisp is the absolute pinnacle of this. One scene has Crisp walking into a gay bar only to be told that he is not welcome because if anyone came in he would give them away. When it comes to oppression, “straight acting” gay men have always found it too easy to slip under the radar when the situation gets too sticky. In the face of this Crisp is like a gay Ghandi, throwing himself into men’s fists until they begin to understand.

Crisp died alone in his New York flat in 1999 aged 91. You can check out more about his life
here.

Tags: movie review, films, gay

Igby Goes Down (or Heesa Got Lotsa Moneey! Boo Hoo!)

We picked this one up for a fiver at local Morrisons (actually it was less than that, it was two for a fiver - we picked up Josie and the Pussycats as well - Parker Posey ROCKS in that film!) That is something akin to buying a mink coat at WA Salvage.

Not that the film is that classy. It has a brilliant cast: Sarandon, Pullman, Goldblum, Danes, PhillipE, Peet and an overabundance of Culkins, and they all do really well but it is all a little hollow. Sure, it is supposed to be, since it is all about the malaise of the American upper class. It is just a little meh. Everyone is walking around with plums in their mouths (PhillipE is the worst) complaining about Igby, while Igby slums it and swears at them.

I have a creeping suspicion that Igby Goes Down is trying to be Catcher In The Rye for the socialite set but swap vitriol for petulance and petty adolescent rebellion and the whole premise falls apart. You'd be better of titling this Igby Hissy Fits or Igby Pouts About.

I am selling the film short. It is very funny in parts, so funny that it is almost saved from meh-ness. Rent it and watch it the whole way through for the final ring around scene. Priceless.

Tags: movie review, films

Aaaaaahhhh... Geek Out!

I may as well admit it now. I was a teenage geek!

Why am I spilling the beans now? Well, a few projects are poking their pointy eared heads up to give me away.

Everyone knows about Michael Bay's live action Transformers film. It is going to be big and flashy as only a Michael Bay movie can be. Now it has a release date and an announcement trailer.

Some more tentative productions are The Power of the Dark Crystal, a sequel to some puppet flick, and The Dark Is Rising based on one of my favourite books from my yoof! Fingers crossed. There is some good names attached but it is early days.

But the announcement that has prompted this post is an animated film version of The Dragonlance Chronicals. Geek-o-rama! I am sure it is going to be crap. The novels weren't great literature but there are some amazing characters. Xena has signed on! There's an endorsement and a half.

Now, if only someone would adapt some David Eddings for the big screen. Yummy!


Tags: fantasy, movies, geek

Thank You Jesus!

One of the absolute and irrefutable pleasures of riding the buses of London is that you get to witness the wealth of humanity that it picks up of the curb.

Today, an absolute treasure stepped onto the bus just ahead of me. She was dressed in a long grey skirt, a shawl was draped over her head and around her neck she wore a little picture of Jesus attached to a jade green rosary. As she swiped her oyster she squeaked, "Thank you, Jesus!" and kissed the little picture of our Lord.

Now I am not one to laugh at the mentally ill, especially the if they are religious zealots, but this crazy lady was too much. As the lower level was crammed to the brim with commuters, she mounted the stairs to the upper deck. Halfway up the stairs she said, "It's full, Jesus!", kissed him and turned around.

"There are too many people on the bus, Jesus!" Kiss.

"They don't take any notice of how many people are getting on the bus, Jesus!" Kiss.

She notices the policeman standing near the bus driver. "The police have lost control, Jesus!" Kiss.

"There hands are tied, Jesus!" Kiss.

"We are living in a communist state, Jesus!"

"Not safe on this bus, Jesus!" Kiss.

"Next stop, Jesus!" Kiss.

Unfortunately we were on the express and as we zoomed past the stops she bustled to the front and beat on the glass. "Drivers don't listen, Jesus!" Kiss.

When the bus finally stopped she tapped on the glass, kissed the Lord and exalted, "Thank you for my freedom, Jesus!"

Bless. And thank Sweet Baby Lord Jesus for thick coats that can smother giggles.

Tags: London, Jesus, public transport

So The Fat Lady Sang...

...and she was an ugly fucker.

I don't want to bitch and moan. I'll just say, I don't think it was a fair call and it is utterly heartbreaking for that to happen 8 seconds before the end of the match.

That said, Australia should have put that game to bed before it came to that.

Still, it's a crying shame.

Well done boys. You played a great tourney!

Tags: World Cup, soccer, football

Seeing Red

The other day I posted about the dubious calls being made by the referees in some of the World Cup matches. Okay, it was the Australia Croatia match but I have to return to the issue given tonight's match between Portugal and the Netherlands.

Russian ref, Valentin Ivanov handed out 16 yellow cards. By the end of the match each side were down to 9 men. Figo head-butted one of the Dutch and pretty much got away with it. In all honesty, by the time they players started getting feisty Ivanov had already lost them. They played for cards and Ivanov dished them out.

It is a pity when matches are so heavily influenced by the guy who is supposed to simply keep it flowing fairly.

It is a shame to see the Dutch go. They are a good looking team. Unfortunately, it appears good looks means weak legs because they dive almost as much as the Argentineans. Australia squares off against Italy next.

Game on. And if you see that fat lady... kick her in the ovaries!

Tags: World Cup, soccer, football

I Wonder If St. George Is Cross?

I don't know what you think but to my mind this is a wonderfully striking image of England's striker. For better or worse, it effectively encapsulates everything about football and football supporters in this country. It is brutal but it is elegant.

It reminds me of the front of the programme for Bell Shakespeare's production of Henry IV I saw back in Perth in '99.

It seems not everyone is quite as impressed as me.

It is hanging over the M4 somewhere, which is near where I work, I think. I should try and check it out.

Maybe there will be some rabid Christians rallying around it with placards. There's a great night out!

Tags: football, advertising

What's Blithe In Ol' Blighty

Look! Letterboxes with stamp dispensing machines attached to their sides!

Ingenious!

Of course this one is out of order and it is surrounded by trash...

Like the newspapers...


Don't these girls and their freaky eyes look like extras from Doctor Who or something.

Imagine jerking off to that.

They are likely to eat your head and then turn you into one of their robot hordes.

Tags: London, photos, big busty freaky looking page 3 girls

BBUK: Proper English Ladies...

I know that this little patch of the blogosphere has been over-run with football louts for the last few days so I thought I'd bring it back to some individuals who couldn't be further from the World Cup.

Locked away in their own little world, unaware of the lacklustre performances of the English team, you will find the Big Brother contestants, stewing in their own petty little world.

Enjoy!



Tags: BBUK

No Fat Lady... No Song...

Last night Australia held Croatia to a draw, taking the needed point, their passport into the second round of the tournament. And what a game it was! Yellow cards were flying left, right and centre. By the end of the match, we were down to 10 men and they were down to 9.

Referee Graham Poll certainly left his mark on the match. Of the four goals, two were scored from his decisions. Add to that, some blatant fouls that went unseen, including two in Australia's penalty box AND a disallowed goal on the final whistle. If Australia had lost we would have had plenty to belly-ache about.

Thank sweet baby, Lord Jesus that it didn't come to that otherwise Kalac, our second "goalkeeper" would have been in for a much harder time than he is most probably already getting.

Guus scratches his head. "I wonder if I should play Schwarzer."

So now we are up against Italy. Lygon Street is going to be a battleground! They are big but the U.S.A. shows they are not without their weaknesses. It is a big feat and should make for an extremely watchable bout.

On a more psychic note, when I checked my BBC World Cup Predictor, I found that I had picked the exact scores of both of tonight's Group F games. Freaky!


I am sitting at my computer pulling the strings of the World Cup. If you want to check out how things are going to advance from here on in, check out my web page of destiny!

Oh, and Johnny: Jogging in a green and gold tracksuit. You fuck-stick!

Tags: World Cup, Australia, football

The Cup Runeth Over

The end of the group stage is upon us and already there are countries who are falling by the wayside. Last night Trinidad and Tobago, Paraguay, Poland and Costa Rrrrricaaaa spilled over the edge. Ivory Coast and Serbia & Montenegro play today but without a hope of moving through to the "Round of 16". Iran doesn't have a hope in hell, and it's no go Togo but most of the other teams still have a chance at taking out the cup that looks nothing like a cup.

For the lay of the land check out this BBC page that maps it all out in succinct English.

Australia is in a good position. We only need to draw against Croatia, who are ranked a good twenty points above us (but six lower than Japan). On our side, the Croatians play a more recognisable game than Japan and we should be able to take them.

I am positive complacency is not on the cards in the Australian camp. I don't think the Socceroos will ever, ever have to learn that lesson again.

And how cute is that photo of Kewell and Cahill. Thanks FIFA, you're the best!

Tags: World Cup, Australia, football

What a stunning loss!

Australia went down to Brazil in their second match of the group stage. We watched it in The Green in Shepherd's Bush. Many an Australian was in the crowd doing the things that Australians do (including pissing in public, bless!)

If Australia looked shaky against Japan, they seemed to have completely overcome their nerves. They really took the game to Brazil and the 2:0 score line really doesn't do their game justice. They actually had Brazil looking scared at some points.

At half time, with the scoreboard still unblemished, it seemed that Australia might not just hold out but that they could actually take it. To be fair, we wouldn't have done nearly as well as we did if Ronaldo hadn't eaten those five buckets of KFC before the match started. The guy couldn't move.

When the goal eventually came and Australia lifted its attack up a notch, they looked extremely dangerous. There was even some flashy plays, which would have done us immeasurable good if the players weren't so dumbstruck after they occurred that the ball was invariably intercepted.

It is a pity we didn't walk away with a draw but I have no doubt now that if they can pull out another performance like that we can take Croatia to pieces. Their draw today with Japan means we'll advance as long as we don't lose.

Tags: World Cup, Australia, football

I feel Europroud

Europride '06 started yesterday in, um, London. Hooray!

Paul decided to wear his bikini, which was made entirely out of shadows. It was very alluring.

The event was typical gay fare. Plenty of show tunes, wigs and topless men. Grrrowl!!!

We met two loverly lesssbians and bumped into Ryan (who'd have thought). We drank some beer and caroused to Disney songs (wtf?).

The big bash is on the first of July so I'll have to start working out and renting some Disney films.

Tags: gay, Europride, London

Why did nobody tell me...

...that Australian cigarette packaging now showcases modern art pieces. And here I was thinking Howard was holding us back.


On a completely related note, this BBC article is pure gold.

I love the way the Academy is trying to stick by its decision. There is no maintaining integrity in this. They are stuck between the Bacon and the deep Blue Poles.

Tags: art, TATE, gangrene

¡Goleada!

Some of the best games of the World Cup finals so far have been played out at 2 in the afternoon here. It is a pity because even though the bbc is webcasting each and every match, it is only to IPs within the UK and at work, for some ungodly reason, they have gone for an offshore IP or something similar.

With Brazil not looking too threatening (unless you are a plate of chicken in front of Ronaldo) and Italy and France decidedly lacklustre, Spain and Argentina appear to be the only truly dangerous teams on the pitch at the moment.

Argentina play like they are telepathically linked to each other. It is beautiful to watch.



Torres' last goal for Spain was sublime, and all down to Puyol. The highlights don't show the full glory, but you can check it out here!



Now, fingers crossed for Australia today. Let's hope Ronaldo has spent the morning down at Nando's.

Tags: World Cup, soccer, football

Trinibagonians: We Lost, Let's Party!!!

The best thing about being in a city like London during the World Cup is that there will always be a pub, somwhere, showing the game, which is crammed to capacity with rabid fans.

Football is a game of anticipation, which only really comes alive when you have a vested interest in one of the teams. The easiest way to invest is to drown yourself in everyone else's dreams, screams and expectations.

Last night it was England up against Trinidad and Tobago. Roxy from work and her boyfriend Jack and I rushed off to Masque Bar in King's Cross after work to catch the carnivalesque atmostphere. On opening the door we were hit by a wall of people, flags and bombastic grooves. When the game kicked off the cheering was deafening.

And what a game it was! The Socca Warriors, who had pressed heavyweight Sweden into a nil-nil draw held out for almost the entire game. They were absolutely tenacious in their defence and if it wasn't for an absolutely spectacular save by Terry they would have had the only goal of the first half.

The entire game was pretty much played in England's half and the Trinibagonian fans cheering was more for the continued efforts of the defenders than any attacking play. The English came in waves and the warriors held out till the final moments before Peter Crouch got a peek over the wall.



Gerrard sealed it with an beautiful goal a few minutes later. The Trinibagonians almost managed one but were unfortunately ruled offside. There was cheering aplenty anyway.

When the whistle blew, the music cranked up and everyone went wild. Few crowds would have partied this hard after a loss. Just a little taste of what it is like during carnival according to Roxy. I think I know where I next want to holiday.

We drowned our sorrows back in Shepherd's Bush, at Quashie's Roti Hut. To add insult to injury, they were out of goat roti but the lamb was mouth-wateringly delicious.



Don't fret! All is not lost! Should England beat Sweden and the Socca Warriors overcome Paraguay (and they have in the past), it will all go down to goal difference. The carnivale could still be heading to the streets of London.

Tags: World Cup, Soccer, football, Trinidad, London, England

That's SO Gay!

I am a little late on this one but I have an excuse: I have been working on some film reviews and watching some futebol matches. Sorry to abandon y'all like that.

Last week, London breakfast radio DJ, Chris Moyles was hanged, drawn and quartered for complaining that a mobile ring-tone sounded "gay". Well, he would have been if the BBC governors weren't a heap of limp-wristed pansies!

Apparently, Moyles was well within his rights because he was using the word "gay" to mean rubbish, as it is used in common playground parlance.

Well that's all okay then. Thank you BBC.

Yes, using "gay" to mean rubbish is a common semantic extension but what the BBC seems to have (purposely?) ignored is that this extension is built on the idea among the young that homosexuality is rubbish, a view gleaned from adults who hold homosexuality as a foil to masculinity.

In truth, I don't have a huge issue with how kids use "gay" in the playground. This misunderstanding of gaydom is going to be expressed in one way or another and it is slowly diminishing. I do have a problem though when a trendsetting institution such as the BBC legitimises such a practice.

What a bunch of funking fairies!

via New Queer World

Tags: BBC, gay, linguistics

Surreal... Discuss...

This is a relic of the fun we had at the TATE's Long Weekend. It arrived in my inbox today.

Share-bears!

Tags: photos, TATE, surreal

BBUK: Release the Hounds!

Watching Big Brother over here is getting increasingly uncomfortable. Last week the "Kit Kat Golden Ticket" promotion culminated with another set of elongated breast being thrust into our faces.

In the selection process the housemates had to pick a ball from the huge perspex sphere. During the live cross the crowd's cheer "Get a ball out!" switched menacingly into "Get Grace out!". The effect this (coupled with Seezer's reception a few weeks ago) had on Grace and some of the other housemates was immediately evident.

Increasingly, these "contestants" aren't looking forward to their fifteen minutes as much as they are dreading the guillotine and the flesh-hungry mob. They are visibly shaken, in tears and questioning the purpose of their being in the house.

With three people leaving the house of their own volition, and at least three others considering the same, surely the producers are wondering if this horse has run its course. Time for the glue factory.

Still watching though. This is televised crack.


Tags: big brother, BBUK

You Little Beauty!

I am in love with Tim Cahill. You might remember him for his prominence in my fantasy football team. Well today he did the team proud. And Australia too. Two! And then one to Aloisi. All three within ten minutes (the last in extra time).

Someone, somewhere is etching Cahill's name in the history books as we speak. He goes down as the scorer of Australia's first (and second) ever goals in a World Cup match. Our last outing in '74 we bowed out without a single win.

The last time I nearly cried at a football match was Spain's loss to South Korea in the quarter finals of the last World Cup. This time though, it was tears of joy.

Life is good!

Tags: football, soccer, World Cup, Socceroos, Australia

Caaaarrrrrnivaaaalllll!!!

Just a few snaps from the Cuban Carnival on the banks of the Thames. Given the balmy weather we could have been forgiven for believing we were actually in Cuba. We sweltered but we did it in good company.





Tags: London, summer, photos

Move Along, Nothing To See Here...

Another World Cup match, another bout of red and white. This time the colours were donned by the English in the first match of their campaign, against Paraguay.

We took in the match down at Canada Gardens, near Canary Wharf. Big screen, hot weather, football, lager in glass bottles and frozen brussel sprouts. Recipe for disaster? It certainly was.

I managed to escape unscathed, except for a beer shower after Beckham scored less than three minutes in. That was about as eventful as it got on the pitch. In the gardens, as the game lagged on, the crowd lagered up and the projectiles were flung.


It started with bits of sandwiches and ice, then proceeded onto celery. When the frozen sprouts started flying it was resonably apparent that some people had come prepared for devilishness, it is just unfortunate that someone thought that good clean fun could involve throwing glass bottles.

With about 15 minutes still to play in the final half the screen was shut down and the crowd told to disperse. The game wasn't that good but it was disappointing that we didn't get to see it all on account of just a few idiots.



The majority of the crowd were placid. We couldn't see what was going on up the front where the disturbance seemed to be focused.

The closure didn't dampen the buoyant spirits of the fans as they were relayed the final score on the tube home.


Tags: World Cup, football, London, soccer

Polska, Life Is Peaceful There!

The 2006 World Cup has kicked off in Munchen.

Germany crushed Costa Rica, but hardly as convincingly as they should have.

We unceremoniously took in the first game at The Windmill accompanied by a puppy, a cat and three barflies, though the guy with the Polish flag/cape and the shaved head applying red and white face paint in the shiny push plate of the toilet door was portentous of things to come, as was the woman charging £2 to get into the place.

It was Tyskies all 'round when Poland went head to head with the high flying Ecuadorians.

The sizable Polish crowd that had amassed was extremely vocal. The afforementioned Super Polishman was the main cheer leader. He had an astoundingly penetrating voice that intermitently roused the crowd with: Polska, czerowny i biay!, which (rather uninspiringly) means Poland, red and white, and is sung to the tune of "Go West" by the Pet Shop Boys, nee The Village People.



Despite the enthusiasm of the crowd, Poland went down 2:0. Ecuador overcame their lack of form away from home and now look like favourites to proceed through to the next round behind Germany, which would be a first for them.

I bet the guinea pigs are hitting the barbeques back in Quito tonight!

Tags: World Cup, football, London, soccer

Chim Chiminey

Chim Chiminey
Originally uploaded by No-necked Monsters.

Hello all. I won't be posting for a while because my power adapter for my little powerbook has exploded and I can't whittle away my time on my computer.

Okay, so I may still post from work but there won't be very many pretty pictures and the like.

I still love you all anyway. Don't forget that.

Oh, the photo was taken from our bedroom window on a lovely summer day when the lovely summer thunderstorm was approaching.

It's The Album Chaaaarrrt Shooooowwww!!!

It seems we spend a good 63% of our lives inside the hallowed halls of KOKO. Last night we ventured in to watch Channel 4's The Album Chart Show being filmed. It pretty much entailed four bands playing their latest hopeful hits.

James (who took the photo above - Creative Common licence sorted) booked us some tickets over the interweb for free. Unfortunately the line up isn't released until the night so you never know who you are going to see when you get put on the list. The show has boasted Morrissey, Goldfrapp, Snow Patrol, Franz Ferdinand and a cast of thousands.

We were served up: Paul Weller (this wiki sets out his truly legendary status), who was very good even though his last track went for almost twenty minutes.

Heavy Trash, a set of Elvis clones happily harking back to true rock and roll.

The On Offs, another decent band struck from the Franz Ferdinand/Kaiser Chiefs/Futureheads mould.

And finally, The Lost Prophets a truly terrible uber-emo band who promised a lot from their set-up but ended up drowning in the generously applied clichés.

All said and done it was a good night but, as with any production set, there was a lot of waiting around. Thankfully we were upstairs and didn't really have to "perform" for the cameras. We just hung around, chatted, and watched the show.

Hopefully next time well get a better band of bands.

Tags: music, television, KOKO

Sex Sells

Just the other day I posted about an interesting new blog from Turkey, named So Slowly and how advertising firms have gone completely bonkers.

Well it seems to be completely and utterly true.

You know sex sells. They know sex sells. Hell, Lassie knows sex sells! But some enterprising young company has taken the concept to the absolute letter.

The site at the other end of this link is EXTREMELY un-work-friendly!!!

It is certainly audacious, and kind of cool but I sincerely hope it is not a harbinger of the future of advertising.

Tags: marketing, porn, men

When Fame Attacks

James Hewitt and Rebecca Loos shot to infamy after their affairs with Princess Diana and David Beckham respectively. It is the easiest road to fame in Ol' Blighty, to fuck your way into the public consciousness. It is also one of the most risky. Some enterprising PR agent should start a business for representing these faux celebrity fucks. Hewitt was doing fine on his own until he decide to trade of his infamy by selling off his correspondence with the late princess.

I just love the pure tastelessness of the producers pairing these two together AND choosing this particular song. What a heap of bitches.

And Sharon. Go get 'em grrrrl. Go for the jugular!

Tags: celebrity, London

Summer Is Upon Us (But Not Our Shirts)

Yesterday was a blessing (so is today actually). A sunny day in London. It has not been the first but it was definitely the best.

Rog and I called up Kellie and we strolled down to Chiswick by the Thames to feast on the summer sun.

I love Kellie because she is as elegantly unorganised as me. We said we'd meet up but didn't name a place. We both set out (from Acton and Hammersmith) and then realised our phones were run dry of credit. Because we are special people we bumped into each other on the street anyway (it is really much less likely than it sounds, seeing as we were all over half an hour's walk from our starting points and not in any identifiable part of Chiswick). Thank you S.B.L. Jesus.

We ended up strolling down the Thames and settling into a pub almost back in Hammersmith. The sun was bright and the glare was glancing off the pasty white British skin. As soon as the sun comes out over here, the shirts come off. Not that I am complaining.

The sun gives London a whole new look and an uncommonly friendly air. This of course could not improve the supreme nonchalance of British customer service. I'd describe the reaction of the cashier when I requested my burger well done but I'd really need to do an impression to do it justice.

Roger decided to welcome the summer in with a glass of Sabai, the new "taste of Thailand" drink. It claims to be a refreshing mix of Rosé and hibiscus flower but it tastes like West Coast Wine Cooler with a dash of red food colouring. All said and done, it is gay in a glass.

I collected my first sunburn for the year (because I tried to fit in by taking my shirt off) but then so did just about the whole of London. Riding the tube last night was like sitting in a convection microwave. If we could only collect it in a box and store it for winter.

Tags: London, photos, summer

Black Is the New 4-Ply

Has capitalism come so completely mad that black toilet paper is the must have accessory of the summer?

Should we be feeling inferior because our toilet rolls holders are adorned with simple white or pale pastels?

When did supply and demand give way to supply and manufactured demand? And who sits around in a conference room thinking they could find a market for black bog roll?

If your arsehole is dying to be so "in" that it is wiped with the latest noir, you can trot on over to the Renova website.

The upside to all of this is that it came via So Slowly, a snazzy new blog, which focuses on design photography (and then some...)

Tags: marketing, photography, design