Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? (or, Them Bette Davis eyes is crazy-ass!)

"You wouldn't be able to do these awful things to me if I weren't still in this chair."

"But cha AAH, Blanche, ya AAH in that chair."

"Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?" was destined to be a classic. Really, any vehicle starring Joan Crawford and Bette Davis would have been a sure fire hit. Pit them against each other and you have instant box office gold. The beauty of Robert Aldrich's film, like Wilder's "Sunset Boulevard" before it, is that it manages to allow the real lives of the actresses play out on the screen through the manufactured lives of their characters.

Both Bette and Joan were past their prime; Hollywood's golden age had long since passed and in 1962 the world of televison was taking over. The film takes place against this backdrop. Two fading stars from a bygone era living out their days in a quiet suburban neighbourhood. Joan spends her days in a wheelchair watching reruns of her old films and Bette spends her days in grotesque makeup, having a hard time coping with her sister's rejuvinated success and cooking up special treats for "din dins".

Both actresses act their pants off as the film spirals uncontrollably from one macabre scene to another. The events are surprisingly grotesque and must have been confronting for contemporary audiences, some of the scenes certainly sent a chill down my spine. This is truly an over the top classic, if only Agnes Moorhead and Piper Laurie could have co-starred.

Of course, even better than the physical and emotional tortrue on screen were the tongue lashings they gave to each other off screen. I'll leave you with some corkers...

Bette: "The best time I ever had with Joan Crawford was when I pushed her down the stairs in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?"

Joan: "I am aware of how Miss Davis felt about my makeup in Baby Jane, but my reasons for appearing somewhat glamorous were just as valid as hers, with all those layers of Rice powder she wore and that ghastly lipstick. But Miss Davis was always partial to covering up her face in motion pictures. She called it 'Art.' Others might call it camouflage- a cover-up for the absence of any real beauty."

Bette: "Why am I so good at playing bitches? I think it's because I'm not a bitch. Maybe that's why Miss Crawford always plays ladies."

Bette: “I wouldn’t piss on her if she were on fire.”

Bette: “She has slept with every male star at MGM except Lassie.”

Bette: “Hollywood's first case of Syphillis. I wouldn't sit on her toilet”

Joan: "You would have been so proud of me. I was a lady, not like that cunt Bette Davis."

Bette: “You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good! Joan Crawford is dead… good!”

Tags: movie review, Bette Davis, Joan Crawford