Sweeny Todd Cast Is Burtony (plus bonus gay talkback)

I may be cured of my interest in Martin Scorsese but I still misguidedly hold out hope for every new Tim Burton film. This time around I am even more piqued (and terrified) because his next gruesome opus is going to be a film version of one of my favourite musicals, Sweeny Todd.

I was going to comment on the casting (as it stands, the film is populated by Burton regulars Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter in the leads and newbies Sacha Baron-Cohen and Cindi Lauper Jim Broadbent in the not so leads) but in reading this news over at Ain't It Cool I was drawn into the talkback forums.

Now, we all know that talkbackers are generally made up of that section of the population who generally don't leave their bedrooms and who, despite spewing endless vitriol against gaiety, care a little too much about it to not be just a little bi-curious, which is understandable because they are all spotty teenagers coming to terms with themselves.

Aaaanyway, the Sweeny Todd talkback inevitably turned to the topic of homo-gaiety. This time a challenge was thrown down when Mr Stiffy posted this:

it's deliciously dark and funny

Which zabbadoo claimed was:

gayest thing ever said in a talkback

Now this, of course, posed a challenge to prepubescent boys the world over.

DOGSOUP took up the gauntlet with:

So Sir Ian McKellen was fisting John Malkovich's brown eye when a thought occured to him. "Wouldn't it be dandy John, if Alan Cumming were here to see this?" To which Malkovich replied," That little bitch isn't even gay, he's a PANSEXUAL. Now please twiddle my prostate again I like that..." -Gayest thing ever said in a Talkback.

Talkbacker with no name quickly countered with:

In Brokeback Mountain as the cum went up Heath Ledgers bum bum, all the hairs on my plonk stood to attention!

DOGSOUP came back with the rather underwhelming:

"Say what you want about Uwe Boll, but he is a hunka hunka burning man meat. You know, he should cast that dreamy Jonathan Taylor Thomas in his next video game movie...we never see that luscious muffin anymore..."

To which Talkbacker with no name replied:

Stop it DOGSOUP, you are gonna make my willy burp - Gayest thing said in a talkback"

In the middle of all this, and probably oblivious to it all Baron Karza posted:

What about sticking Brian Cox in there somewhere? That guy needs work.

which I think qualifies as reasonably gay.

As of 10 minutes ago, the state of affairs was up to this pearler by DOGSOUP:

Ok Ok Ok I'll stop...when Screetch gives Guy Pearce a Dirty Sanchez! Time for that Bird to eat the One Eyed Wiggle Worm! - Gayest.

So, they are probably all in bed now, whacking off to all the images they have conjured up. God bless the youth of America!

Tags: gay, film, musical