Scar Tissue

I neglected to let you all know about my trip to the hand therapist last week. It has been playing on my mind since then and not just because I was neglecting one of the prominent and more informative threads of NNM.

Apparently everything is going well. I still can't make a fist but the fingers are gaining movement steadily. If my hand continues to improve at this rate then I may be able to dodge going under the scalpel again. It was good news but unfortunately I realised how little work I had been putting into my hand. I had pretty much resigned myself to another operation.

More putty, more exercises and more massaging to work the scar tissue.

Scar tissue - forming even now and will do for another year or so. I found this immeasurably upsetting. It fucked my head up no end. In my mind, I was on the uphill trek, about to crest the hill and see the sunrise.

No. They are still pouring cement into my hand and I’m still sinking. (Okay, I was dealing with a breakup at the time as well.)

I know these are only symbols but I put a lot of stock in them. I walked out of the therapy wing realising that I hadn’t come nearly as far as I needed to, physically or emotionally. I’ve been living in a fantasy world for the past few months. It has been fantastic but ultimately illusory.

The road goes ever on…

Tags: hand therapy, injury, recovery